You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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