Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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