we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
