based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
