she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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