oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
