my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
