We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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