Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
