I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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