update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize