How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mom said you looked used
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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