it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
