I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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