I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize