Whod you bang
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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