I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
These tits shall not be calmed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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