What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
