this boner is exhausting
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
