I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
