I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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