Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
