haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
