How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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