It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
