I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
