last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
