Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
