shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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