The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
