put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
