Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
