Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
