ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My bed smells like the plague
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
