I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize