i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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