I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
