Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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