Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
