Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize