I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize