I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
