I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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