the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
