I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
