Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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