in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
