you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
