I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize