K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
