ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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