I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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