her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
