The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
