I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
