And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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