And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
