Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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