It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
