I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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