dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
