Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
