If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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