Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
