The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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