Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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