Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize