I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He better not be in your backpack
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
COCAINE IS GR8
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
