My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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