1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize