i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
