Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
