I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is classic penis vs brain.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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