He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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