We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
