Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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