we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
