just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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