Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
