Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
