You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
