I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
