Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
