I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
