i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
