i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
