I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
