last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
