Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
