the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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