I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
