I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
