So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
