I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
