i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
