I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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