Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
