My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
