There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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