His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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