There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize