meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
