Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
