I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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