just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
