i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
