were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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