did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
